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Dickxhibitionists and lame pickup lines were coming at me fast. “Yes, we love crêpes.” “No, we don’t eat bread every morning.” “Nope, you won’t die if you eat some snails.” No matter whom I was matching with, the conversation became pretty identical, and I had to field questions like I was a second-grade teacher.It was like having the same nightmare over and over again, and turns out, it was just the petits fours.
Most of the guys I’ve dated have already been part of my circle somehow — former classmates, roommates of a coworker, soccer teammates of a cousin, etc.It’s amazing how the moment a man finds out I’m French, he becomes so eager to relay what he learned from that fateful 2001 song. After swiping left and right for about two months, I had my first date with Andre, a 27-year-old engineer who “has 22 country stamps on his passport.” I thought that my English would be the toughest part of the rendezvous, but I was wrong — that fell to agreeing on the spot at which to meet. I was unclear if this was normal for a first date in America, but in my gut, I knew it was purely an invitation to have sex.To avoid an awkward situation, I simply told him that I wasn’t feeling it.While we were talking, we ran into a few misunderstandings. That’s taller than most of the women in France.” Imagine my surprise when I found out that it meant “baby” and not “You’re a dwarf.”Obviously, the date wasn’t a huge success. After trying on a couple of shoes, as we say, a couple of men fit better, but things didn’t necessarily become less challenging.
As I went to order a beer, he stopped me and said, “Wait, shorty.” To me, this sounded like the worst insult. I couldn’t help myself from overthinking and panicking a bit after a few months of dating someone here—something I never did in France. Here I’m afraid of discovering that after six months of seeing someone, we aren’t actually dating but just messing around.
Don’t get me wrong—it’s not that hooking up isn’t a thing in France, but in general, once we find ourselves seeing someone multiple times, we’re both giving it our best shot to be in a relationship with commitments and sacrifices from the beginning.